Monday 13 August 2012

Foreign Affairs are Resolved with Cookies. I am Resolved with Chocolate.

Sunday Aug 5'2012

12:42pm

I'm not 100 percent confident that what I did last night actually happened or if I dreamt it, but I do know I was hardly conscious for any of it. At around 12:30am, Akshee informs me that Eddie is on his way home and to get ready because we are going to India Gate. Why are we going to India Gate, we were just there. We will go and get ice cream. Oh ok. Not like I'm ever going to turn down ice cream. We did not get ice cream. No we did not. We didn't even go to India Gate. No, we went to a hotel. Le Meridian Hotel to be exact. Raj and Eddie have this strange fascination with wanting to show me five star hotels. We always drive by them and they point them out to me, regardless if we've passed by them 5 times before. And now apparently we are actually going into them. I try to be polite but I really couldn't care less. I basically grew up in a hotel. This does not appeal to me. But we wander around anyway because I choose to bite my tongue and pretend I am in awe. Thank you performing arts college, my acting skills have finally come in good use. I even took pointless photos to further my faux enthusiasm. I'm not even staying in this hotel, but yes, let's make memories. Ok cool, I've seen, I've documented, let's go. Nope, instead let's go to the cafe inside the hotel for dinner (reminder: it's now 1:30am) Pizza no less. What is with this country and the need to butcher the sacred standard of traditional pizza? It's just awful. And of course five star hotel means five star prices. Six bucks for a friggen cup of masala chai, and watery luke warm masala at that. And the sorry excuse for a pizza ran at 20 bucks. No thank you. Alrighty, what an experience! Homeward bound! Nope again. At this point I am exhausted and starting to feel very agitated. Eddie wants to show me his office... at the airport. I look to my side to hide my obvious expression and see a dog sprawled out on the street, completely unconscious, and I have never felt such jealousy. I could have done it. Right then and there I could have curled up beside Lassie and been absolutely content. Asleep in an instant. But Eddie has been wanting to show me his work for a while and I didn't want to hurt his feelings or disappoint him. Alright, let's do this. And then it was silence. I was getting grumpy, I could tell, so silence was best for me and everyone in the vehicle. As we got close to the airport Eddie pointed and said, There, can you see, that is the airport. Ya, how do you think I got here, by boat? Stay silent Chelsea. It's clearly for the best. We arrived and it took all the strength I had not to fall asleep standing as we ascended the elevator to the airport control room. If I hadn't been sleep walking, I might have found it kinda cool, to be behind the scenes, watching the entire airport through cameras on giant screens. But right now nothing was cool. You could have shown me Leonardo Dicaprio sucking face with that werewolf dude from True Blood/Magic Mike, laying naked on my bed, welcoming me with open arms and I would have asked them nicely to move the fuck over and let me sleep. We stand over a desk near the back of the big important room while Eddie introduces us to his manager. He tells me, If you have any questions, this is the guy to ask. Silence. Ask him your questions..... You don't have any questions? ....Nothing you would like to learn? (Ya, when can we go home?) Nope. Silence. Everyone looks at me like I'm supposed to be just dripping with wonderment and thirst for any and all information about this place. It's pretty self explanatory, I start. Those are cameras of the airport. The ones on the left with the planes are of outside, the right are inside, that's your desk, and this is your boss. Got it. (Probably should have stuck to being silent, easy girl) I'm dying inside. More silence. Finally Raj thanks the manager and I practically run for the door...Now let's take a tour. Huh...? Deep breaths. Eddie goes to his desk and turns on all 4 computer screens. With every button pressed, a part of me dies. Will I ever see my bed again? I get a lesson on the function of each screen while teaching myself not to lose it. It's now 3:18am. He finally turns off the screens and I look longingly at the exit sign, knowing fine well this is not the end. Sure enough, on to the next part of the tour. Now to show me Eddie's favourite part of the office. Let me guess, the cafeteria? I sneer. Yes! How did you know? Wild guess, let's move. He shows me the staff room and offers me coffee. No. Tea? No. Have some coffee. No! Tea is delicious here, you will like. I'll get you tea. Eddie! It's 3:30 in the morning, I don't want any tea! Why not? Because people sleep at this hour, they don't drink tea! I am not having any damn tea! And she's been released. Angry Chelsea is out. It is really time to go. I thank the manager kindly for allowing us to visit and drag my barely lucid self to the exit. 4 am we get home. Needless to say I am not the most pleasant of company this morning. Although I did manage to catch a glimpse of a fax (top secret Indian airlines fax?) at the airport stating that the Minister of Foreign Affairs for the Republic of Chile will be arriving in Delhi today. He has requested aerated water and cookies upon arrival and departure. So the Minister likes his cookies. That information could almost pass for making my night worth while. No, not even remotely close. 

4:10pm

Just as I warned, I am a giant grumpy pants today. You can't keep me out until 4 in the morning (and sober no less) and expect me to be all peaches and cream the next day. I'm not even peaches and cream with a full night's sleep. But I still got up and ready by 11:30 to stick with our Sunday Funday plans (I should really know better at this point) We had planned last night to go to Dilli Haat, South Delhi, and Qutab Minar. Today it was, Ok what do you want to plan to do today? I thought we already planned... Apparently not. By 3:30, with everyone still lounging around in bed, I could feel my lack of sleep getting the best of me and felt it was necessary for the well being of everyone if I took my leave. I needed to walk it off, or sweat it out more appropriately. I walked to the Food Bazaar and picked up a few things for the week, despite their evil male dominated, sexist ways. I ran into Ellen there. Funnily enough we both felt the need to get out of the house, some alone time was necessary, which led us both to our meeting place, the chocolate isle. It was nice to confide in someone who understands the importance of personal space and the need to have time to yourself. 
Here's something you should know about me, if you don't already. I am a loner. The lifestyle of a hermit is often very appealing to me. I may be, as some say, a "social butterfly" but this is all circumstantial. If I know I can come home to a completely empty house and stay there hidden away for days of recuperation, then yes, bring on the people. Smart people, I don't handle stupid well. And I can't handle people for long periods of time. When I used to have sleep overs as a kid, I was always ready for parent pick up time when the AM rolled around. If I was single, you can guarantee the phrase, "I'd totally have you stay the night if I didn't have to get up so early." would just roll off my tongue. I just get edgy. People just piss me off too easy. So I bought chocolate bars. When I came home everyone was still in the master bedroom, eating lunch and hanging out... We will be leaving shortly. Ha! I'll believe it when I see it! I actually said that. And there was the blatant sign that I needed to lock myself away for the day. So I told the guys and Akshee that I was taking a rain check. I'm tired and crabby and really just want to be a hermit today. Eddie asks, Why are you so tired? You're kidding right? Tell me you're kidding. If there was any chance I might change my mind and want to go out with them, that killed it. Right there. Nope. I'm just gonna have to say no today guys. So I believe I have enough chocolate bars, badam milk, and Shrikhand to stay comfortably hidden for the next 24 hours. Goodbye world. 

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