Wednesday July 25'2012
Noon
Yesterday I met the most amazing woman on the metro. She came on all frazzled and in a huff. Frumpy but with eyes that held the beauty from her youth. She tried to sit but a lady took the seat first. Another seat opened but was again taken before she could get to it. This seat was directly in front of me. The girl was young who had claimed the seat so I nicely asked, Would you mind standing, I really think this woman needs to sit. She exchanged places without a word and as the lady sat she exhaled a very large and grateful thank you. Then continued to thank me between breaths for some time. She looked very similar to how I imagined I'd looked when I nearly fainted myself on the train days back. I offered her my water and asked if she was alright. She again, thanked me, but carries her own water bottle at all times. The seat beside her opened and a girl went to so. No! She put her hand on the seat and summoned me. Sit. Sit. Sit. Here, sit. Seeing her more closely, I could definitely tell she must have been just gorgeous in her prime. She was still beautiful in a more humble, I've had children, lived a full life and eaten my share of gulab jamun kind of way. She asked which country I came from. Canada. Oh! (her face lit up) Where abouts? Vancouver. Oh, how lovely. My sister lives in Kelowna. (Now my face lit up) I'M FROM KELOWNA! My family lives in Kelowna. We were both grinning now. She says, she had a feeling I was going to say something about Kelowna when she heard I was from Canada. So beautiful there, she says (lady, you don't have to tell me twice). We talked about family, her son lives in London, her daughter still in India. Both engineers (though her daughter had her own television show up until recently). And then she asked me something that really made my day, So for how many years have you been living here in India? BAH! Do I really look that seasoned now? Can I pass for a knowledgable citizen of Delhi? Why thank you... I think. But no, just here for a few months teaching dance. This excited her very much. The arts are very important to her. She, herself, is a doctor. Dr Mara (I only remember because it reminded me of Dr. McNamara from Nip/Tuck). Dr Mara tells me how her father always expected her to be the best, the top of her class, but she found this to be too much pressure. So when she raised her own children, instead she just told them to strive to be above average and to be so in as many things as possible. It is one thing to be the best of the best in just one area, but to be exceptionally good in a variety of things, well that's even better. So her two engineer children were encouraged to pursue the arts just as much as their academics and now they are both actors for pleasure and engineers by trade. A job well done for Dr Mara, I'd say. She mentioned she had been married for almost 32 years (I tried to picture myself and Jason in 32 years) so I asked her about her husband (I am always curious about marriages over here, whether they are arranged or not). Her's was not. I was surprised. Her and her husband went to college together (he is an eye surgeon). She tells me when they first met they fought right off the bat. Both hot headed, over confident medical students. She tells me about the first time they met, they had to work on the same cadaver, her on one side, him on the other. She said they fought so much over the dead body that they ended up putting a line of red tape down the centre of it to try to keep the peace and stay on their own side. They made a strict rule that the red line was not to be crossed, under any circumstance. She laughed. The look in her eyes when she spoke of her past was a look I'd never seen before. After 32 years of marriage you could still see the giddiness in her eyes when she spoke of her husband. It was like she had taken herself back in time and was reliving every word. Her face just beamed. Somehow we became best friends, she continued. Never lovers, I never saw him that way. Even though he is SO good looking... was. He WAS very handsome. Tall and strong. Very handsome, he used to be. I laughed at her correction and tried to imagine what Mr Dr Mara looks like now. A once beautifully stunning young couple, now old, worn, and comfortable. I tried again to picture Jason and me 32 years from now, me sitting somewhere telling someone how handsome he used to be. Almost makes me excited to grow old, strangely something to look forward to. So they remained the best of friends for years, sharing everything with each other. It wasn't until Dr Mara's parents began scoping out potential husbands that things changed. You see in India, married women cannot have male friends. The moment she becomes a wife, she is never to be seen alone with another man. So any male friends she may have had prior to marriage, no matter how close, basically cease to exist. When Mr Dr Mara heard about her parents marital plans, something clicked. He told her, You are my closest friend, you have always been my friend and nothing more, and that was good. But now I have been forced to see my life without you and I cannot do it. I know in my heart I cannot live without you, so maybe marry me instead? And she did. And that was that. 32 years later and he still picks her up from the metro station every day, even though it is merely a 5 minute walk to home (I think of when Jason used to pick me up from Purdy's when we lived in Victoria every night even though that too was only walking distance, and this made me smile. We are this generation's Mara's) And now, she continues, from that day on, whenever we fought, and we fought a lot, over the silliest of things, whenever we would get angry and argue, one of us will stop and say, Ok let's just be friends. No fights, we are friends. And this would cool them down. And whatever it was that came between them as husband and wife didn't exist in their land of friendship. They would just sit, watch a movie, have food, and just be. You have to stay friends, she says. In order to last, you must remain friends first.... and allow him to win every once in a while... she smiles.
My stop came before hers but I wanted so desperately to stay with her. I wanted to see Mr Dr Mara waiting for her as the train pulled into the station. I imagined him a shorter version of his youthful self, pudgy but still strong, and similar to his wife and friend, his eyes would shine with a handsome glow. They wouldn't hug, but they would smile, she would turn and wave and they would disappear in the dust, holding hands as they wobbled towards home. The imaginary image of them walking away has stuck with me, perhaps an image from my future. Two friends, side by side, walking into another 32 years.
Noon
Yesterday I met the most amazing woman on the metro. She came on all frazzled and in a huff. Frumpy but with eyes that held the beauty from her youth. She tried to sit but a lady took the seat first. Another seat opened but was again taken before she could get to it. This seat was directly in front of me. The girl was young who had claimed the seat so I nicely asked, Would you mind standing, I really think this woman needs to sit. She exchanged places without a word and as the lady sat she exhaled a very large and grateful thank you. Then continued to thank me between breaths for some time. She looked very similar to how I imagined I'd looked when I nearly fainted myself on the train days back. I offered her my water and asked if she was alright. She again, thanked me, but carries her own water bottle at all times. The seat beside her opened and a girl went to so. No! She put her hand on the seat and summoned me. Sit. Sit. Sit. Here, sit. Seeing her more closely, I could definitely tell she must have been just gorgeous in her prime. She was still beautiful in a more humble, I've had children, lived a full life and eaten my share of gulab jamun kind of way. She asked which country I came from. Canada. Oh! (her face lit up) Where abouts? Vancouver. Oh, how lovely. My sister lives in Kelowna. (Now my face lit up) I'M FROM KELOWNA! My family lives in Kelowna. We were both grinning now. She says, she had a feeling I was going to say something about Kelowna when she heard I was from Canada. So beautiful there, she says (lady, you don't have to tell me twice). We talked about family, her son lives in London, her daughter still in India. Both engineers (though her daughter had her own television show up until recently). And then she asked me something that really made my day, So for how many years have you been living here in India? BAH! Do I really look that seasoned now? Can I pass for a knowledgable citizen of Delhi? Why thank you... I think. But no, just here for a few months teaching dance. This excited her very much. The arts are very important to her. She, herself, is a doctor. Dr Mara (I only remember because it reminded me of Dr. McNamara from Nip/Tuck). Dr Mara tells me how her father always expected her to be the best, the top of her class, but she found this to be too much pressure. So when she raised her own children, instead she just told them to strive to be above average and to be so in as many things as possible. It is one thing to be the best of the best in just one area, but to be exceptionally good in a variety of things, well that's even better. So her two engineer children were encouraged to pursue the arts just as much as their academics and now they are both actors for pleasure and engineers by trade. A job well done for Dr Mara, I'd say. She mentioned she had been married for almost 32 years (I tried to picture myself and Jason in 32 years) so I asked her about her husband (I am always curious about marriages over here, whether they are arranged or not). Her's was not. I was surprised. Her and her husband went to college together (he is an eye surgeon). She tells me when they first met they fought right off the bat. Both hot headed, over confident medical students. She tells me about the first time they met, they had to work on the same cadaver, her on one side, him on the other. She said they fought so much over the dead body that they ended up putting a line of red tape down the centre of it to try to keep the peace and stay on their own side. They made a strict rule that the red line was not to be crossed, under any circumstance. She laughed. The look in her eyes when she spoke of her past was a look I'd never seen before. After 32 years of marriage you could still see the giddiness in her eyes when she spoke of her husband. It was like she had taken herself back in time and was reliving every word. Her face just beamed. Somehow we became best friends, she continued. Never lovers, I never saw him that way. Even though he is SO good looking... was. He WAS very handsome. Tall and strong. Very handsome, he used to be. I laughed at her correction and tried to imagine what Mr Dr Mara looks like now. A once beautifully stunning young couple, now old, worn, and comfortable. I tried again to picture Jason and me 32 years from now, me sitting somewhere telling someone how handsome he used to be. Almost makes me excited to grow old, strangely something to look forward to. So they remained the best of friends for years, sharing everything with each other. It wasn't until Dr Mara's parents began scoping out potential husbands that things changed. You see in India, married women cannot have male friends. The moment she becomes a wife, she is never to be seen alone with another man. So any male friends she may have had prior to marriage, no matter how close, basically cease to exist. When Mr Dr Mara heard about her parents marital plans, something clicked. He told her, You are my closest friend, you have always been my friend and nothing more, and that was good. But now I have been forced to see my life without you and I cannot do it. I know in my heart I cannot live without you, so maybe marry me instead? And she did. And that was that. 32 years later and he still picks her up from the metro station every day, even though it is merely a 5 minute walk to home (I think of when Jason used to pick me up from Purdy's when we lived in Victoria every night even though that too was only walking distance, and this made me smile. We are this generation's Mara's) And now, she continues, from that day on, whenever we fought, and we fought a lot, over the silliest of things, whenever we would get angry and argue, one of us will stop and say, Ok let's just be friends. No fights, we are friends. And this would cool them down. And whatever it was that came between them as husband and wife didn't exist in their land of friendship. They would just sit, watch a movie, have food, and just be. You have to stay friends, she says. In order to last, you must remain friends first.... and allow him to win every once in a while... she smiles.
My stop came before hers but I wanted so desperately to stay with her. I wanted to see Mr Dr Mara waiting for her as the train pulled into the station. I imagined him a shorter version of his youthful self, pudgy but still strong, and similar to his wife and friend, his eyes would shine with a handsome glow. They wouldn't hug, but they would smile, she would turn and wave and they would disappear in the dust, holding hands as they wobbled towards home. The imaginary image of them walking away has stuck with me, perhaps an image from my future. Two friends, side by side, walking into another 32 years.
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