Friday July 13'2012
9:00pm
Well I just got mildly molested. Gotta be a first for everything right? Fucking metro. Like seriously guy, are you really that desperate that the only way you can get your rocks off is by copping a feel on a train? Yes, clearly you are. Here's where my knowledge of very angry hindi words comes in handy. The place was packed and getting on the train was like being swept up by a tidal wave. You have absolutely no control. You don't even have to move, people will just move you themselves. People are pushing you on and pushing through you, I thought I was going to get trampled. And with all the people and chaos in such tight quarters, why not reach for a boob? In the disgusting hoard of men, I felt a hand grab my itty bitty tity. It tried to pull away but I grabbed it, squeezed it, then yanked whatever fingers I could grasp as far back as I could before the fucker pulled away. If only I had seen the face belonging to that sorry excuse for a limb. But before I could even look around, another hand grabbed my ass. For fuck's sake people. Seriously. Unable to identify ass or boob pervert, I just gave the entire cab my 'don't fuck with me' face. Mukesh was separated from me in the mass swarm that flooded the train but he found his way back and just placed his hand on mine (obviously my rage was more than visible). One guy (he was a giant, like 6 feet tall- here that's a giant) pushed a bunch of guys away and made a little nook for me to fit where I actually had room to breathe. He huddled over me to prevent anyone from entering my sacred safety bubble. Then when my stop came, he pushed everyone away to make a pathway for me to the door (I'm serious about this crowded business, it was like being in a dense rainforest and using a machete to hack through a pathway). I wish I had a machete. Heads would roll. But as thankful as I was for Andre's help, it did very little. The minute the door opened I thought I was going to get run over. It was literally a human stampede. Far more scary than crossing some stupid road. For a city that is known to be incredibly laid back, you all need to calm the fuck down.
Saturday July 14th'2012
12:56pm
I just saw a commercial for skin whitening face wash, "Fair and Lovely". What a very strange world I am living in. The same country that looks at white people as if they were lepers has skin whitening cream. I do not comprehend this so I ask Raj. Everyone wants to be lighter here. And now that I am aware, I see "whitening effects" in everything! I have to be careful when buying any moisturizer or body soap because they all have bleach in them, or whatever they use to turn white. At first I was so appalled by this, but then I realized, we're the exact same only in reverse. Our culture is so obsessed with being bronzed and beautiful. In vancouver there are almost as many tanning salons as there are starbucks. And the minute the sun comes out our beaches are over crowded with oiled up nearly nude fried bacon posing as people in bikinis (no judgement, I am one of them) So how are we any different? Dark people want to be light and light people want to be dark. The grass is always greener...
My internet isn't working and I can't find Raj to fix it for the millionth time. Once again I have no idea when I teach today so I can't really go anywhere, so I am sitting alone in the living room drinking my third cup of chai and watching a tv show about an innocent young woman trying to become a super model. It helps that here they tend to speak half hindi and half english. For instance, a girl just got slapped and reacted by calling the slapper a bastard. I understood that. Granted, bastard was one of the first words I learned in hindi so really, bad example.
I learned how to ask for things today. Basically you just add "dido" on the end of whatever you want. If you want more of something you being with "all". All chai dido. That one I've mastered.
God these girls are beautiful. If I stay here long enough I wonder if my hair will start to grow all long and black and thick and shiny. Probably. Or maybe each of my students can donate a chunk of their luscious locks to my poor thin and dull white girl hair cause and then I'll have enough to construct a glorious wig. That way I can switch between white girl next door brunette, and Indian midnight black sex goddess. Perfect.
(I swear sometimes MB reads my mind. I was just about to ask him, nimbo pani dido (sweet lemon water) and before I could even get the words out BAM! nimbo pani right there in front of me. Good man, this one. And small enough to fit in my suitcase... hmmm)
Oh this is good. So I've been trying to practice my inner meditation so to not rage about how my days are being completely wasted here waiting for INCOMPETENT fools (see it's working...) so needless to say everyone in the house is feeling my frustration. Eddie just called me into his room. He says, Arijeet just called, I told him you are not working today you are busy. I have you for the day therefore you will not work. I laugh thinking he is kidding. Negative. This is for real. Arijeet has been told I will not work today and therefore it is so. WHERE AM I? So now Eddie is going to take me out for the day. A movie, to temple, and then who knows. This is for real? Bizaar-o world.
Mukesh just showed up to take me to class. Oh come on now! I call Sanjib. Sanjib, I thought I wasn't teaching today. Oh yes, yes, Mukesh messed up, he is supposed to be picking up Ellen (another teacher here from the states). Ok cool so I am still not teaching today? No you are not teaching today. Good, because I am telling you now, I will not teach again until a set schedule is made and firmly followed. Enough is enough (I really put my foot down) Anyway I blabbed on in a very stern and what I believe was an intimidating tone. He completely agreed, apologized. We will fix this. 6pm rolls around and Mukesh is here once again to take me to class. This is more over kill than that bloody bollywood film. At this point my face greatly resembles the 'don't fuck with me face' I donned on the metro yesterday. Long story short, my rage won and I did not teach today. Hold your ground kids, especially when you're in India. Or just don't go to India, especially if you're a kid. There are already too many of those here.
Between Mukesh visit #1 and #2, I went shopping! Raj, Eddie, and Akshee took me to... a mall! Motha what! I bought shoes, naturally. They are simply stunning. Easily worth $60-70 in Canada... $15. India, my positive feelings for you are getting stronger. Keep it up. Funny enough, I also bought candy (how could I not) and that cost me $7. Shoes $15. Ten pieces of bulk candy, $7. The reality of how upside down this country is, priceless.
9:00pm
Well I just got mildly molested. Gotta be a first for everything right? Fucking metro. Like seriously guy, are you really that desperate that the only way you can get your rocks off is by copping a feel on a train? Yes, clearly you are. Here's where my knowledge of very angry hindi words comes in handy. The place was packed and getting on the train was like being swept up by a tidal wave. You have absolutely no control. You don't even have to move, people will just move you themselves. People are pushing you on and pushing through you, I thought I was going to get trampled. And with all the people and chaos in such tight quarters, why not reach for a boob? In the disgusting hoard of men, I felt a hand grab my itty bitty tity. It tried to pull away but I grabbed it, squeezed it, then yanked whatever fingers I could grasp as far back as I could before the fucker pulled away. If only I had seen the face belonging to that sorry excuse for a limb. But before I could even look around, another hand grabbed my ass. For fuck's sake people. Seriously. Unable to identify ass or boob pervert, I just gave the entire cab my 'don't fuck with me' face. Mukesh was separated from me in the mass swarm that flooded the train but he found his way back and just placed his hand on mine (obviously my rage was more than visible). One guy (he was a giant, like 6 feet tall- here that's a giant) pushed a bunch of guys away and made a little nook for me to fit where I actually had room to breathe. He huddled over me to prevent anyone from entering my sacred safety bubble. Then when my stop came, he pushed everyone away to make a pathway for me to the door (I'm serious about this crowded business, it was like being in a dense rainforest and using a machete to hack through a pathway). I wish I had a machete. Heads would roll. But as thankful as I was for Andre's help, it did very little. The minute the door opened I thought I was going to get run over. It was literally a human stampede. Far more scary than crossing some stupid road. For a city that is known to be incredibly laid back, you all need to calm the fuck down.
Saturday July 14th'2012
12:56pm
I just saw a commercial for skin whitening face wash, "Fair and Lovely". What a very strange world I am living in. The same country that looks at white people as if they were lepers has skin whitening cream. I do not comprehend this so I ask Raj. Everyone wants to be lighter here. And now that I am aware, I see "whitening effects" in everything! I have to be careful when buying any moisturizer or body soap because they all have bleach in them, or whatever they use to turn white. At first I was so appalled by this, but then I realized, we're the exact same only in reverse. Our culture is so obsessed with being bronzed and beautiful. In vancouver there are almost as many tanning salons as there are starbucks. And the minute the sun comes out our beaches are over crowded with oiled up nearly nude fried bacon posing as people in bikinis (no judgement, I am one of them) So how are we any different? Dark people want to be light and light people want to be dark. The grass is always greener...
My internet isn't working and I can't find Raj to fix it for the millionth time. Once again I have no idea when I teach today so I can't really go anywhere, so I am sitting alone in the living room drinking my third cup of chai and watching a tv show about an innocent young woman trying to become a super model. It helps that here they tend to speak half hindi and half english. For instance, a girl just got slapped and reacted by calling the slapper a bastard. I understood that. Granted, bastard was one of the first words I learned in hindi so really, bad example.
I learned how to ask for things today. Basically you just add "dido" on the end of whatever you want. If you want more of something you being with "all". All chai dido. That one I've mastered.
God these girls are beautiful. If I stay here long enough I wonder if my hair will start to grow all long and black and thick and shiny. Probably. Or maybe each of my students can donate a chunk of their luscious locks to my poor thin and dull white girl hair cause and then I'll have enough to construct a glorious wig. That way I can switch between white girl next door brunette, and Indian midnight black sex goddess. Perfect.
(I swear sometimes MB reads my mind. I was just about to ask him, nimbo pani dido (sweet lemon water) and before I could even get the words out BAM! nimbo pani right there in front of me. Good man, this one. And small enough to fit in my suitcase... hmmm)
Oh this is good. So I've been trying to practice my inner meditation so to not rage about how my days are being completely wasted here waiting for INCOMPETENT fools (see it's working...) so needless to say everyone in the house is feeling my frustration. Eddie just called me into his room. He says, Arijeet just called, I told him you are not working today you are busy. I have you for the day therefore you will not work. I laugh thinking he is kidding. Negative. This is for real. Arijeet has been told I will not work today and therefore it is so. WHERE AM I? So now Eddie is going to take me out for the day. A movie, to temple, and then who knows. This is for real? Bizaar-o world.
Mukesh just showed up to take me to class. Oh come on now! I call Sanjib. Sanjib, I thought I wasn't teaching today. Oh yes, yes, Mukesh messed up, he is supposed to be picking up Ellen (another teacher here from the states). Ok cool so I am still not teaching today? No you are not teaching today. Good, because I am telling you now, I will not teach again until a set schedule is made and firmly followed. Enough is enough (I really put my foot down) Anyway I blabbed on in a very stern and what I believe was an intimidating tone. He completely agreed, apologized. We will fix this. 6pm rolls around and Mukesh is here once again to take me to class. This is more over kill than that bloody bollywood film. At this point my face greatly resembles the 'don't fuck with me face' I donned on the metro yesterday. Long story short, my rage won and I did not teach today. Hold your ground kids, especially when you're in India. Or just don't go to India, especially if you're a kid. There are already too many of those here.
Between Mukesh visit #1 and #2, I went shopping! Raj, Eddie, and Akshee took me to... a mall! Motha what! I bought shoes, naturally. They are simply stunning. Easily worth $60-70 in Canada... $15. India, my positive feelings for you are getting stronger. Keep it up. Funny enough, I also bought candy (how could I not) and that cost me $7. Shoes $15. Ten pieces of bulk candy, $7. The reality of how upside down this country is, priceless.
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